Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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