She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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