thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
