That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
