If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
