If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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