my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
