When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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