remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize