You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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