I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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