Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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