Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
