my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Shame - the story of my life.
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