I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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