I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
