Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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