You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
