It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize