I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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