Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
