I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
