My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
