i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
