no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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