In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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