That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Life is so much better after having sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
