I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
