Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
