i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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