hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
