OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to make a zoo with you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
