i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
