You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
