Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
