Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
