thus making me awesome and them whores
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
