I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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