There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have aggressive nipples.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
