I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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