Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
