It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
did i walk over a car last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
