Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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