you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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