I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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