we're blogging at a bar
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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