sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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