all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
