There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
