He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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