very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize