I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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