Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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