when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
