the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
