That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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