I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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