I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
