well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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