I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
