He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize