i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
