We named our party play list daddy issues
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
