My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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