i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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