i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
